Mum in a hurry – Reflections

I’d like to introduce my lovely friend Abi to you. She is an amazingly strong lady that I admire so much. She has faced a lot of change and upheaval in such a short space of time – the type that would break some people and yet here she is, standing strong. Take a look at her blog and you’ll see what I mean.

Hi. I’m Abi and I blog over at Mum in a Hurry. I’ve been blogging there for about 2 and a half years. The blog started as just a diary of life as a busy mum of 2 and has evolved over time. It is still mostly a kind of journal – somewhere for me to express my feelings, talk over the things that are going on in my life, most recently involving my separation from my husband of 15.5 years, together for 20. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
My Reflections on the Past 6 Months

In the last 6 months I have been through a lot of changes. In August I started on the road to getting something done about my depression and mood swings. In November I was started on anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs (to treat among other things schizophrenia – but in my case suspected bipolar, which was later diagnosed in January). On the 7th of December my husband ended our 15 and a half-year marriage (we were together nearly 20 years) by text message and to add insult to injury he immediately started a relationship with our au pair of a year and 2 months – a girl I considered one of my best friends and trusted wholeheartedly. At the end of December, I put an offer in on a flat. In February I had to move out of my home to stay with my parents because legally I couldn’t stay in the house once the paperwork had been signed over to him (something about squatters rights). I spent every morning and evening driving over to what was “our” house to see the kids, before driving on to work or back to my parents house to go to sleep before doing the same thing again. On the 18th March the sale went through on my flat but I didn’t move in until later as we (myself, my ex and the kids) went on a road trip across the US (Route 66), which had been planned for over a year for my ex’s 40th Birthday. On Sunday 12th April we arrived back in the UK and on the following Wednesday I moved into my flat. I have been living on my own now in my little flat for nearly 5 weeks now. And I’ve had the kids living with me for 2 alternate weeks so far (we share custody, swapping on a Friday) and my 3rd week starts this Friday. I have had to get used to being single, being a single mum (at least half the time) and being on my own and dealing with missing them terribly when they aren’t with me, even though I do see them after work nearly every day. I also started a new job less than 2 weeks ago – I’ve gone from commuting for an hour in back to back traffic, to commuting for 10 minutes if driving straight to work, 15 minutes if dropping the kids at my ex’s house first. I get to leave at 5 and at 1pm on a Friday which means I get to spend Friday afternoons with my children.

All this change has had its challenges of course and I would be lying if I told you that I hadn’t cried myself to sleep some nights. But it has also brought a lot of positives into my life. I’ve discovered who my friends really are – and there have been some real gems. I’ve also had people reach out to me through my blog and this has been a tremendous support and has bolstered me up when sometimes I really felt I was going to stop existing altogether. I’ve lost 9lbs through joining Weight Watchers and being able to buy my own shopping and do my own cooking has been a big help. I’ve had to teach myself to cook as my ex always loved to do the cooking and I just let him get on with it. I have also discovered that I am not a complete slut (in the old-fashioned sense of the word) and have actually ENJOYED keeping my little place clean and tidy – and there is that added bonus that when I tidy something up (excluding the presence of the children of course) it actually stays tidy. I’ve also discovered that when I set my mind to it, I could establish a routine that really works for me and the kids – when it comes to behaviour and rewards, when it comes to getting them ready in the mornings and getting them settled into bed in the evenings when they are here with me. I also discovered, one lovely night, that I am capable of feeling a passion I never felt with my ex, not in the last few years anyway. So that was a HUGE eye opener for me. And has given me a glimmer of hope that one day I might meet someone and actually fall in love! I guess in all of this I’ve started to discover who I am again. I still get low days (I had one just this Sunday) but I’m coping.

I guess the point of this post, a guest post for the lovely Hannah, is that I wanted to get the message out to anyone in a similar position to myself – recently separated or going through a divorce, that you can do this. You can go through all of this and come out the other side. I’m not quite out the other side yet I don’t think, but I am definitely more than half way there. Just keep on going. You’ll get there. And if you want to message me on my blog or through Twitter or Facebook, I’m here to chat.

Love Abi