Why I’ll never make it ‘big’ as a Mummy Blogger.

I’ve been thinking about this for some time. It’s hard to put the words together and make them sound ok and that I’m not some smug angelic t*@t mother wanna be. This is why I’ll never make it ‘big’ as a Mummy blogger 

Lots of people start blogging for lots of reasons. I initially started blogging whilst in the depths of very severe post natal depression and new physical health problems and investigations. Writing helped me cope. I also began to write about my son so that I could document and remember all the things that we did – I wanted a record to show him that we did do lots of things, if my health kept me bed bound, just in case he ever thought I was a rubbish Mum that never went anywhere with him.

Thankfully, my health, with treatment, has improved to the point that I can live semi independently now that he has started school, but I still continue to blog.

Other people, who’s blogs I love, such as the insanely funny ‘Hurrah for Gin’, the ‘Unmumsy Mummy’ and many more, hilarious tell the tales of motherhood. I can’t compare myself to them. They have been doing this for a lot longer and are very good at what they do. I’m not in the same league as them but even if I was, my posts wouldn’t get shared as much as theirs. I wouldn’t be getting the hundreds of thousands of likes and shares and reader numbers. I never will.

I’m ok with that. I accept that and I think they are so well deserving of their success. However. What I hate….what really pee’ s me off, is the general consensus that if you write about the good times, if you enjoy parenting, if you manage to keep yourself fit and care about your appearance, if you don’t moan about being a parent….. you are ‘smug’ and looking down on other mum’s by supposedly showing a small 5% of your life in carefully curated pictures and blog posts and that you think you are better than other Mum’s if you offer ideas to help others.

A ‘journalist’ (can you call her that?) wrote a piece for a newspaper where she praised ‘slummy mummy’ bloggers who write about ‘hilariously honest musings’ and the ‘messy realities of motherhood’ – insinuating that those who don’t, are lying, making it up and not being real. Questioning those of us who craft with our children or think up ways to make childhood as fun and magical as possible with – “Do those women really have nothing better to do?” It depends what you class as better. Your better may be different to my better but both can be argued as the best, it just depends on who you are.

I am not a perfect Mother. I am overweight. My house is small, dark and cluttered. I have money worries and I have moments when I lose my temper. But. All I have ever wanted to be, in my life, is a Mother. I’m sorry! That doesn’t make me think I’m a better Mum or woman for that matter.
I know other people have felt the same and then got the shock of their lives when the child has arrived and I’m not saying that even if it’s all you’ve ever wanted, if you’ve lived through loss and devastation before your miracle arrived, that you can’t moan about parts of being a Mum, but what I am saying, is that I can’t moan about it and I know lots of people who are the same.

I might moan to my Mum or my friend about the early wake ups but I know that it’s just a part of life as a parent, that kids don’t just decide to not sleep and set some internal alarm clock, just to terrorise us. I understand it, expected it and prepared myself for it. I actually prepared for much worse than what I have got (although he did sleep upright, in my arms for pretty much the first 2 years of his life due to underlying health conditions so was no perfect sleeper). I can’t write a funny post about hating being woken up or hilariously pondering when he’ll finally sleep though the night as because I just accept it, its just life to me and I don’t hate being woken up.

This doesn’t make me some do-gooder Mummy – I have chronic fatigue and take a huge amount of strong pain medication and waking up and getting up is bloody hard – seriously hard, I think I just have so much guilt about being ill that I hate the thought of him thinking I’m not there for him.

I worry so much about nutrition that I can’t write a funny post about just giving a tea of nuggets, smiley faces and ketchup and how that’s the way it is because it’s Friday. I wish I could but it makes me anxious. That’s not my fault but I don’t think I’m better than you because I have to ensure balanced nutrition for my own anxieties. There are the odd crappy meals when I’ve been ill or we been on the motorway but I could never write it off as ok and would have to plan the next few days to make up for it. He does eat pizza like a good un and cakes etc by the way!

I can’t moan about when he gets ill and how hard it is (and yes, it is bloody hard) because I feel sorry for him. It’s not his fault and he’s suffering more than me. If you write about the trials and tribulations of kids vomiting all over the bedroom and how shit that is, I will laugh, and not think anything other than agreement at how hard it is but I can’t think ‘FML’ because I walked into motherhood with my eyes wide open. I guess I’m quite laid back and relaxed about it.

I’m lucky. I was a nanny and a maternity nurse for 15 years before having my son and there’s nothing I’ve not seen. I used to work 24/6 so experienced the sleep deprivation but I’ve also had the pressure of being well presented, cheery ALL the time, cooking nutritious meals ALL the time, providing stimulating, educational and fun activities ALL the time and ensuring the house was clean and tidy, the washing and ironing done for up to 4 kids, homework done and uniforms laid out for the next day, before my bosses came home from work. Now as a Mum, I don’t have that pressure and being a single Mum means that I have no husband to feed or look after so in some way, being a Mum is easier than being a Nanny!

When my son is the cheekiest boy that I’ve ever met, when he is so defiant that it makes my blood boil, when he walks mud all over the fresh cleaned rug or has no idea what’s wrong with flooding the bathroom, I discipline him. I can lose my temper, I can need to walk outside and count to 10 because I’m worried I could explode, I can feel as though I can’t cope but thanks to my experience, training and knowledge (I used to teach childcare and development at level 3), I know that these things are normal. I know that it’s a phase, its almost a right of passage that they all go through and that it’s almost to be expected, I can understand it and can’t be fed up or annoyed about it because I knew it was coming before he was born.

That doesn’t make me smug. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I think I’m lucky. I think its easier for me in some ways. As a mother, I read so much and research development, behaviour, the ways different countries approach childhood, discipline, freedom, education etc. I enjoy it. It interests me. I’m not boring, I’m not parading as having this parenting malarky down. Believe me, I have not but I can’t help that I love it more than anything else.

So many parents and parenting bloggers are the same. We can’t help but feel blessed. We can’t help that it makes us feel bad to moan or think about our children in annoyance. I would hope to raise my son with a mega sense of humour and that he would read anything I wrote with a pinch of salt, but I can’t help but feel sadness at the thought that my son would ever read that I was pee’d off because he woke me up to play, or that I was so tired and fed up because he was ill etc.

I do get tired. I do get fed up. I do get cross and I do sometimes feel exasperated with no idea how to deal with a certain pattern of behaviour but I’m not smug. I’m not promoting an unrealistic side of parenting. It’s just different.

On the other hand, I don’t always think that bloggers who complain about certain aspects if life are actually doing that, I just think they are fabulously able to write about the hard times, make them into a a funny story and help other Mum’s not feel crap for doing the same. 

A lot of the problem is the media and people’s own self confidence in who they are as people and parents.

Just because I love being a mother, baking, crafting, don’t mind mud or paint, and enjoy playing with my son, does not make me a better mother than a woman who loves her children and her career and works full time. Just because I don’t go out often, deal with a hangover and childcare and have days where I just want to hide from my son, doesn’t mean I am or think I am any better then a mother that has a life away from her kids. Just because I write about how blessed I feel and how much I love being a Mummy, it doesn’t mean that I think Mum’s who don’t express this publicly, fell any different to me. And just because I am raising my son in the way that I think is best, doesn’t mean that I think you’re not doing as good a job if you do it differently. We’re all just doing our best to raise the best little people that we can an equip them for the world.

People are all different. Mum’s come in all shapes and sizes wth different likes and dislikes but just because the media and society have portrayed a certain image as what a Mother should be like, it doesn’t mean that you’re not as good as, if not better if you don’t fit that mould.

It’s just another way to pit women against each other and it’s totally uncalled for.

Love

Hannah Spannah

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Linking with
 
 
 
 
A Cornish Mum
Follow:
Share:

46 Comments

  1. 08/09/2016 / 14:17

    I think making it big depends on what we consider big and our goals. For me…I just want to have fun and share my difficulties and how I get through it with others. I think there is no such thing as the perfect mum. At the end of the day- I don’t think we need to make it big time- there is enough space online for all of us and I’m happy with that. Loved this post. x

    • Hannah Atkinson
      08/09/2016 / 14:24

      I completely agree with you Angela, thanks

  2. 08/09/2016 / 14:53

    Love this post. There are so many different types of mothers and parenting styles and it is all OK. I am sure all of us are just trying to be the best mums we can be and have different coping mechanisms and ways of doing that.

    That said,I do think there are “big” mummy bloggers in all genres, not just the funny / FML genres 🙂

    • Hannah Atkinson
      08/09/2016 / 19:53

      Thank you so much, that means a lot coming from you x

  3. Jenny
    08/09/2016 / 21:17

    Ahhhh, a refreshing read! Nicely put xxx

    • Hannah Atkinson
      08/09/2016 / 21:31

      Thank you x

  4. 09/09/2016 / 10:13

    Couldn’t agree with you more. I started blogging as a way to remember babyhood and that is still the primary reason I still blog. It is a edited version of my life though – I don’t want to write about the bad times or the moaning times because I’d rather not look back on those days and, more importantly, there is a good chance my kids will find my blog on the internet when they’re older.

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 10:36

      Exactly this x

  5. 09/09/2016 / 10:20

    I agree with you that pitting women against women helps no one and just drags us all down. And with blogging, I always feel that the successful blog is the one that you want to return to and carry on writing. So on those terms, you are successful and long may you carry on and feel proud of all you write, both good times and bad.

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 10:36

      Thank you, I like your view on success. I started blogging for me and continue to do so x

  6. 09/09/2016 / 11:14

    I love this post: and good for you!
    I agree, that journalist was totally out of order putting down mothers who actually really enjoy being mothers! Shock horror. There has been a massive ‘it’s cool to bemoan mothering’ movement over the last couple of years, but that’s not to say we can also celebrate a really wonderful Kiddie-Muma moment.
    And I think you already are successful at this blogging lark.
    Big love
    L xxx

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 12:58

      Oh that’s really kind of you to say, thank you

  7. 09/09/2016 / 11:20

    I agree, I am a naturally positive person who feels really lucky. I do have bad days and I do right posts about bad times but generally I always try and put a positive spin on them – not because I am trying to be perfect (I am far from it!) but because that is who I am. Great post lovely #picknmix

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:06

      I don’t think there’s anything wrong with writing about the bad times at all – that doesn’t make you a moaning ‘bad mom’ wanna be, just as writing about the good times doesn’t make you a smug ‘yummy mummy’ wannabe x

  8. 09/09/2016 / 11:42

    Loved this post, and totally agree, I started my blog five years ago as a diary of our life, with seven children I realised that with each one, less and less was being recorded, since then I have had some amazing opportunities and I love everything that I am offered, but totally agree with you, as a nursery nurse/nanny previous too, I came into motherhood eyes wide open and no sleep, tantrums etc is all part of the job, even now with my sixth and his asd diagnosis, sometimes I want to pour it all out into a blog post, but something in me makes me hold back, so I think we should all just be content with our own little corner of the internet, keep doing what you’re doing xxx

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:08

      7 children! I can’t imagine! I don’t think there’s anything wrong about writing about the bad times but like you, I just can’t x

  9. 09/09/2016 / 11:59

    I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in life is not to compare myself to other people, there is just no point, I am no better or worse than others, but I am the absolute best at being myself. I resonate with this in that I’m not going to make it as a “mummy blogger” but then, I don’t see my blog as a parenting blog at all, just a blog that happens to sometimes include my daughter and the things we do. I like having a place to document our adventures and our struggles, but not as “just a mum” #weekendblogshare

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:09

      Oooh, I really like your thinking and view on your blog. You are so right about not comparing yourself x

  10. 09/09/2016 / 11:59

    nice to see a post “from the other side” i love blogs such as the unmummsy blog and this genre of writing is becoming more popular but it doesnt mean everything else is wrong. I agree that they shine a light on some of our mishaps and stresses and make it okay to have moments where wine becomes a food source and the thought of abandoning our children is acceptable and normal but I can not stand that some people now think this is the norm for all mums. we are al different, some mum in a more mumsy child centered way and others muddle through, some totally “get it” and others dont but we are ALL doing the best we can and thats awesome. #weekendblogshare

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:10

      This.

  11. 09/09/2016 / 12:53

    Hurrah for this post. Everyone should live and let live. It’s down to each individual person what they feel and what they write. I love your honesty here and that the fact that you love being a mum, warts and all.

    Good on you.

    Sally @ Life Loving

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:10

      Thanks Sally

  12. 09/09/2016 / 13:05

    I personally think that sometimes you have to have a bit of tunnel vision when it comes to blogging.
    There are so many people (including me sometimes) giving advice and tips on how to do this and how to do that but with social media and blogging not one size fits all. And hey! That’s OK! We all have something amazing to offer to the blogging world. Well done.

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:11

      That’s a good point Joanne, thanks x

  13. 09/09/2016 / 13:19

    Everyone parents differently and thats what I love. I read a wide range of “Mummy bloggers” and love them all for different reasons. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all parented the same!?

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 13:22

      Life would be so boring…!

  14. 09/09/2016 / 13:48

    I can’t imagine what life would be like if we all parented in the same way. What works for one certainly doesn’t always work for another. I think its totally unfair of the ‘journalist’ to write in such a way that makes people feel inadequate about their own parenting style. God knows they are putting their life and sole into bringing up their children and such second rate opinions just do not help!

    #PicknMix

  15. 09/09/2016 / 14:24

    Thanks for your honesty, Hannah. You sound like a great “Mum!” (This still makes me giggle because I’m an American! haha) You have a very “real life blog” but also went in knowing a thing or two. Keep up the good work! #Weekendblogshare

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 14:27

      Thank you Sarah

  16. 09/09/2016 / 14:51

    I think your posts are honest and cozy and I enjoy reading them. I actually have some envy towards you because you are a crafty mum and I have no talent for that. But you’re right, we shouldn’t compare our lives, views on motherhood or our blogs to others. We all have something to offer.

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 14:54

      Oh Emily, that’s really kind of you to say, thank you so much x

  17. 09/09/2016 / 17:30

    Your blog is lovely and there is totally a place for that, I like the ones where they talk about where it goes wrong as we have all been there and they make me feel not such a failure. But I love the crafty ones and to get ideas from blogs where they talk about food and everyday life but in a positive happy way. Keep doing what your doing and enjoy #picknmix

    • Hannah Atkinson
      09/09/2016 / 17:39

      There’s room for us all on this old tinternet!

  18. 10/09/2016 / 20:01

    What a brilliant post! 🙂 I completely agree, there are a lot of (very good I might add) bloggers who write in a similar way to Sarah now, and that is great, I love to read them! Like you say, they are able to write about the hard times in a way I never could, and they help me not to feel so crap! But I also love reading the other side too. I love being a mum. It is haaaaard, and sometimes I hate everything, but I knew what I was letting myself in for: I expected it to be quite hard and I love the challenge that they bring. All I every wanted was to be a mum, and I know that whatever happens, they made my life complete and I could never thank them enough for that. I am trying to show them that by giving them everything I never had. And it isn’t right that I should be made to feel smug for wanting and feeling that…

  19. 11/09/2016 / 22:07

    Great post Hannah. I think women (because it is mostly women writing and frowning on mum bloggers), just like picking on others. Tbh I’ve found motherhood easy, N is generally a good little boy. The hardest (apart from a little stress on potty training before I left him to it) has been the worry about having a thick child…pre having children that would have been my nightmare, and as it stands N is taking after his dad in hating reading and writing, so I’m a little unused to that. But people would probably think I was smug. But really it just helps to show that every family, parent and child are different.

  20. 12/09/2016 / 22:36

    I feel you x
    Every Mother is different, we are all good at particular things but each of us are equal xxx

  21. 15/09/2016 / 12:41

    I like the variety of parenting blogs that we have, sometimes I like reading the funny ones, or maybe the emotional ones and then sometimes I like the happy ones. It would be very boring if we were all the same. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
    Eilidh x

    • Hannah Atkinson
      15/09/2016 / 19:27

      I’m the same x

  22. 15/09/2016 / 21:25

    Very well said lovely! It would be such a boring world if we all thought the same and wrote the same and I hate that people think it’s okay to lump us together and make assumptions. There are some negative things that I choose to keep private, but that is only out of respect for my own children’s privacy which I think is understandable. You write honestly and with integrity x

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix chick

    Stevie x

    • Hannah Atkinson
      15/09/2016 / 22:41

      Oh thank you, that is really kind of you x

  23. 16/09/2016 / 07:07

    Great read lovely and so true. We are all different, and have a different takes on things and so write differently. I don’t know who that stupid lady was but if she knew how much time we put into blogging… Anyway I’m the same I won’t make it big but I enjoy it and I am memory making mad lol!! Stoping by from #picknmix

  24. 16/09/2016 / 15:07

    I should state up front I’m obviously not a mummy blogger. I blog about whatever I feel like. I’ve written maybe four posts about parenting, so I’m hardly an expert.

    But the point of blogging is to share YOUR perspective. And your perspective is just perfect the way it is. There will always be parenting trends and people who can’t stand to see other people happy, but that definitely shouldn’t deter you from writing exactly as you do.

  25. 16/12/2016 / 17:09

    I loved reading this post and think it will resonate with a lot of mummy bloggers. I’m a newbie to the blogging scene and not yet mummy, I’m expecting my first baby next year and I’m blogging for me. It’s a way of documenting my experiences and discoveries along the way, if that helps or inspires other people in any way then I will be happy. I won’t make it big and I’m ok with that. I also don’t think we can compare ourselves in the blogging world, you have a fabulous blog and you’re a passionate mummy so always stay true to who you are and write what YOU want to write about #weekendblogshare

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *